Love the sinner . . .

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that there has been a lot going on in the news lately about equality and gay marriage.  If you didn't know this, I suggest you take some time and look at any news outlet for the details.  With this news there has been great rejoicing in the LGBTQQA (that's what it was last time I was in school) community stating this is a great victory for equality.  There is the other side of the argument stating this is a great defeat for the values and morals that this nation was built on.  This of course has led to much fighting and arguing between these two factions.  I'm not going to pretend to be able to sway anyone at all but rather would like to take this opportunity to express some of my own beliefs.  If you don't want to hear them I suggest you stop reading now.

Being raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka mormons, LDS) I have very conservative values and morals that have been taught to me throughout my life and strengthened by the reading of scriptures, talks of prophets and apostles, and through my own praying and fasting.  I hold these morals and values deep in my heart and they are a part of who I am and what makes me the man I am today.  One of these morals that I hold is that homosexual behaviors are sinful in the sight of God.  By participating in them a person forfeits their right to achieve eternal salvation and return to live with God as God cannot stand the least bit of sin.  Of course this also is true of any sinful behaviors; drinking, swearing, fornication, adultery, coveting, etc.  Unless you're Jesus Christ, every one of us has fallen short of remaining sinless in our existence on this planet.  This is why I don't think I'm really in a position to condemn anyone else for the choices they make.

This brings me to a wonderful experience I had when I was attending graduate school in Michigan.  While studying there I was able to befriend a wonderful young woman who was very open about her bisexuality.  Standing back and looking at us both you would never have placed us in any type of relationship other than a confrontational one.  I was conservative, she was liberal.  I was heterosexual, she was bisexual.  I was LDS, she was fairly non-religious.  By listening to the media today you'd think that we would be at each other's throats constantly arguing over our differences.  Yet instead, several days a week we would meet together for lunch and would have wonderful conversations about the world, school, our families, our future hopes and dreams.  It really only took one discussion to get past all the differences that seem to tear others apart so easily.  I remember the topic of sexuality came up and she shared with me her thoughts about being bisexual and asked what my thoughts were.  I shared with her my beliefs that the behaviors were sinful though she was an amazing person.  We both agreed that if it came to participating in supporting gay pride events she wouldn't call upon me for support because she knew I wouldn't.  We also decided when it came to promoting heterosexual beliefs, I wouldn't call upon her as she wouldn't be a good support to me.  After this one discussion we were able to spend the rest of our time in school as good friends who supported each other when they could and respected the times we could not.  We remained friends to this day and still get in contact at times to check in with each other.

Now if you were to look at the rhetoric going around in the mainstream media and on social media they would have you believe that our friendship could have never happened.  And yet, it did.  Why?  Because of respect.  Now I can't speak on behalf of my friend because I'm not her.  However, I can share my side and hopefully help others understand how it could happen.

We have been warned in the bible to be aware of those that call good evil and evil good (Isaiah 5:20) and part of my belief is that calling homosexual behaviors "normal" is indeed this.  So I am not able to support and take pleasure in these behaviors.  However, we have also been told to love all, even our enemies (Matt 5:44).  It is by this that I was able to have such a wonderful friendship with my friend.  I loved her because she was a wonderful and terrific young woman as well as a daughter of God.  I could not, however, support her in her sinful behaviors.  She accepted this and the focus became about the love and commonality we shared instead of the judgment that could so easily have tainted our bond.

I have met many people who are gay throughout my travels and in live.  Some of them have been good friends, some have thought of me as a bigot and homophobe and I'm okay with either of them.  Because I can in good conscience state I have been true to myself, my morals and values.  I cannot support homosexual behaviors anymore than I could in good conscience support murder, abortion, adultery, theft, abuse, or any other sinful behaviors.  I can, however, love the people who are committing these sins and have compassion for them.

Now the argument may arise from some that people who are gay were born that way.  I'm not about to get into an argument about whether this is true or not.  And to me, it really doesn't matter.  There are people who report being born with homicidal tendencies, people who report being born with unnatural attraction to children, people who report they were born with an uncontrollable temper.  And yet with each of these behaviors (which I also consider sinful) are frowned upon in our society because they have been considered wrong.  It doesn't really matter what the reason that someone is dealing with the demons they are faced with in this lifetime.  The important thing is what they do with them.  Someone who is angry doesn't have to act out on the anger.  Someone who feels attracted to children doesn't have to act on their feelings.  People who feel the need to kill don't have to act upon those feelings.  And people who struggle with homosexual attraction don't have to act on their impulses either. So to say that someone is just born someway doesn't mean their behaviors are okay and acceptable in the eyes of God.

So to those of you that are thrilled with the recent decisions and rejoice in the "progress" we are making, please don't look to me to join in and be happy with you or for you.  At least not with this.  I will continue to love you and will support you in other areas that don't go contrary to my morals and values but I can't be happy about sinful behaviors which will bring sorrow, pain and despair.  Because as God has instructed us we can easily love the sinner (for we all are) but we cannot rejoice in the sin.