Sometimes it's not easy

About a month ago I unexpectedly was let go from a job I had come to love and enjoy over the last 16 months.  There was no real explanation other than someone complained that I made them feel uncomfortable at some point.  I was surprised and disappointed.  It took me a little while to begin letting go of some of the angst that came from having to deal with a situation that I wasn't informed about or given the chance to rectify.

In the month since that time I have been busy applying for jobs, going to interviews, applying for more jobs and trying to figure out why it is I can't seem to find anyone that would be willing to give me a job.  One of the difficulties that I have faced is that while my income has been greatly diminished (I have been fortunate enough to get a little unemployment and am working with my father here and there) is the bills don't seem to be slowing up or reducing any.  This can definitely put a lot of stress on a person.

As a therapist I have spent many an hour listening to people in my same situation who were worried about the future and about what they should do to survive.  It was always so easy to give answers and suggestions and then at the end of the hour, send them on their merry way and wait to hear the results of the great wisdom I bestowed upon them.  There is a statement that therapists make the worst clients.  I am no exception.  I have tried to sit down and think about what I would tell someone in this situation.  "Does it do any good to stress?"  "Just keep trying and things will work out."  "Think of all the positive things in your life."  These are all some really nice things to say.  And logically these things really make a lot of sense.  However, the heart is not a logical creature and logic doesn't always get along with the heart.

During this time I have talked with my parents, friends, previous co-workers and other supports in trying to understand what is happening and what I can do.  The sad thing is, most of them are in the same boat that I'm in.  They are just as confused and don't have a lot of direction to give.  Of course other than the wonderful words of wisdom that I myself have given to others.

There have been many restless nights, moments spent on knees in tearful pleadings to God, exclamations of frustration, and informal discussions between the Lord and I.  All of this has led me to one simple conclusion.  I don't know why this happened, I don't know who I so horribly offended, I don't know why my employer decided to fire me.  There are a lot of things that I don't know.  And right now, I have to be okay with that and trust that things will be okay.  For afterall, doesn't He say, "Be still and know that I am God."?

I believe this may be one of those moments in life that I won't understand the reasoning behind it until much much later in my life.  This is not always easy for me to accept.  I imagine, like many of us, the desire to
know is strong within us.  The concept of going on faith is not something that comes easily to us.  For now I am turning things over to God and will continue to pray that when the time is right, the path I am supposed to take will be opened to me and I will be able to follow His will for me.  Until that time I have to just accept that sometimes life isn't easy.  And that's okay.