Just tell me

When I was getting ready to turn 16, my thoughts turned, as many at that age, to the glories of driving and the freedom that was believed to come with it.  With these thoughts in mind I can recall having a discussion with my parents about obtaining one of these tools of freedom, a car.  I don't recall the word for word discussion.  I do remember the gist of the discussion which went something along these lines.

Me:  So are you going to buy me a car when I turn 16?

Mom & Dad: No.

Me:  Why not?

M&D:  We don't have the money to buy you a car.  Sorry.

Luckily, at this point in my life I was aware of money and knew that it was something that didn't grow on trees and, though we never wanted for things, was not something we had in abundance in our family.  So to hear this answer wasn't very devastating to my adolescent ears.  However, that wasn't to be the end of this discussion.

Me:  Well, if you had the money what kind of car would you buy me?

M&D:  None. We would be doing you a real disservice if we were to just give you a car.

OUCH!  To a young almost 16 year old mind, the understanding of this statement was a harsh thing to fall upon his eager ears.  Disservice?  By granting the freedom of the open road to a young man searching to find himself in the world?  One ready and willing to go forth and explore the great vastness of differences and beauty that can be found in the world we live in?  Of course, my thoughts at the time were not quite as eloquently formed in my mind.  Honestly it was more along the lines of, "Disservice?  What the heck does that mean?  I think you're just being mean."

Me:  What?!  Even if money were no object you'd still not buy me a car?

M&D:  Nope.  (At this point my father explains further.)  You see, if we were to buy you a car and just give it to you, you wouldn't appreciate it as much, wouldn't put forth as much effort into maintaining it and caring for it.  You would learn nothing buy us just giving it to you.  If you get a job, work hard, save, and buy your own car, you will come to appreciate it so much more and will take the time and effort to maintain it to a level which will allow you to own it for a longer period of time.  You'll be more careful in your driving as you'll know the effort it took to pay for that car.  This is why we wouldn't buy you a car, even if we had the money.

At the tender age of 15 and 11/12ths, I heard what my father said.  I honestly only LISTENED to the first word.  This was unfathomable to me that my parents who were supposed to love me unconditionally wouldn't be willing to get me a car if they could.  What had I done so wrong to incur their distrust?  I walked away from the conversation a little disheartened even though I had known the answer going in.  Why didn't they just give me what I wanted?

I'd like to say the moment I did save up my money and got my first car, I immediately gained a tremendous amount of insight and understanding of what my parents were trying to say.  Sadly, I'm not the fastest learner so it wasn't until quite some time later I began to better understand the lesson.

Fast forward to today.  Often at work I come in contact with wonderful people who are struggling with different problems.  Drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety, family strain are just a few of the challenges facing some of them.  They come to me for help to find the answers to these problems.  Recently I was working with someone who talked a lot about the strain he had in his family who all worked in a family owned business.  Their mother was always telling them what to do (they're now 33 or so) and wouldn't let them do what they wanted.  Of course with this strain they had chosen to participate in behaviors which were not conducive to a healthy lifestyle which is why they were working with me.  In working with this person I found it interesting of the discussions we would have.  They often would sit and talk about how their parents would always tell them what they can and can't do (especially in the business) and how they were 33 and needed to be an adult.  I agreed it was time for them to do this.  Then they would turn to me and say, "So tell me what I need to do."  There was frustration and some angst as my response to them would be along the lines of, "I can't tell you what to do.  I can help you to find the answer for yourself."

As I awoke this morning, these two different times of my life were occupying large quantities of space within my mind.  As I continued to ponder upon them and think of the lessons learned through accomplishing things through our own hard work and effort my soul steered me toward my own relationship with God.  I began to think of recent events in my life which were strenuous, unpleasant, and not what I really wanted.  I remember pleading to God through prayers, "I'm so confused and lost.  Please just tell me what to do!"  A truly sincere prayer on my part.  One offered up through a very narrow field of vision though.

Often times in life we want to turn to God and simply say, "Okay, I'm here ready to go.  Just tell me what to do."  I truly believe He could easily do so and show me with perfect knowledge the direction and path I should go in life.  The problem is if He did He'd be doing me a disservice.  God already has all the answers and therefore really doesn't need to learn anything.  I'm the one down here trying to learn and grow and increase in wisdom and understanding.  So if God were simply to give me all the answers, is there a chance I'd learn and grow?  Possibly.  Would I appreciate the knowledge and wisdom as much?  Possibly not.  I believe this is how God operates in our lives the majority of the time.  Now there are instances when He will say to us, "Don't do that!  You need to do this!"  Just as any loving parent will not let their child place themselves into deadly situations (i.e. wandering onto a busy street), God attempts to prevent us from going to places in life which are very dangerous to us.  I believe these instances are rare in most cases.  I believe God is very much like my wonderful parents who lovingly taught me when you work for something it takes on more meaning.

Trials in life are going to come.  This is because we are humans living in a very imperfect world.  When these trials comes it is easy, especially with the really hard trials, to turn to God and simply say, "Just tell me what to do to fix this."  I believe with a very tender and loving heart these are the moments God turns to us and says, "I'm sorry my child.  I can't give you the answer.  However, if you're willing, I will help you and guide you to find the answer within yourself."  As we are humble and turn to God for guidance He can then work with us to discover the gems of wisdom and understanding which come through solving our problems.  And when we discover the answers (which He already knows of course) we cherish that wisdom and understanding so much more because we know the price we have paid for it.

I have no doubt in the future there will be more times where I turn to God and ask Him to simply "fix it."  I'm sure there will be times I grumble and complain when He doesn't.  There is a part of me which hopes He continues to say, "No.  I won't fix it because I love you.  I will always help you and guide you."  I know this is the way I will grow closer to Him and learn to be more like Him. And this way I can truly learn to appreciate the Love He has for me and for you.