You Are Loved

 My dearest fellow passenger

On this planet we call earth,

Which journey started long ago

With the event that we call birth,

I wanted to reach out to you

And ask how have you been?

How has life been treating you?

What wonders have you seen?

I know that life has many ups

And also many downs.

I hope the smiles that cross your face

Have far outweighed the frowns.

I know it seems that in this life

We sometimes are alone

That we alone are left to face

Our troubles, and atone.

We often feel that no one knows

Nor can they understand

The troubles we are up against,

Feeling crushed by a heavy hand.

We want to talk and share these things

With those we know love us.

But then we don’t want to intrude,

We just won’t make a fuss.

So in our silence we press on

And face things day by day

By making sure our faces shine

And saying, “I’m okay!”

Now lest you think that I’m immune

From joining in this game,

I promise you the mask I’ve worn

Has hidden me just the same.

But I want to reach out to you

And hope you’re willing to

Hear the things I want to share,

Especially with you.

I decided a while ago

I wanted to try something new.

I wanted to reach those silent folks

Who, inside, are rather blue.

I wanted to write a little note

To hopefully reach inside

And let them know they aren’t alone

On this unpredictable ride.

So here I am reaching out to you

And letting you know, I’m here..

In all the chaos, trouble and pain

The heartache and the fear.

I can’t say I know the troubles you face,

The people and things who’re mean.

I don’t know the things you wish would end,

Images you wish hadn’t been seen.

What I do know is you’re not alone

Though the feeling is real as can be.

There are others of us in this world

Struggling, just trying to break free.

My heart goes out to you right now

As you wonder and contemplate

The next step that you need to take,

While still you hesitate.

You’re not alone, you never are

For connected are we all

In one big human family

Riding around on this blue ball.

I hope this knowledge helps you find

A little peace of mind,

Will help you take the time to stop

And loosen up the bind.

While all alone you sometimes feel

Being pulled, pushed and shoved.

I want you most of all to know

That you, indeed, are loved.

It's all about the shopping cart.

 It's often been said that by little things are great things brought to pass. I do most of the shopping in my family which means I get the experience of being at the store quite often. When you're at the store you will see many different things happening which to me show a small idea of where we are on our development as a community and as individuals. One of these small things I've noticed lately is the lack of people to simply put their shopping carts where they belong.

It's amazing to me to walk from my car (I tend to park far away so I can get some steps in) to the store and see several different shopping carts pushed to different areas they don't belong. Even worse is when I see the shopping carts pushed aside to where they don't belong and the place they do belong is right next to it.

To me this can only signify a couple of things, neither which I'm too fond of. Number one, people aren't intelligent enough to understand how the system was intended to work. I really hope and pray that we haven't come to that. If so, I blame social media and digital media. Number two, people think they are above the rules and respect for others and they don't have to do anything they don't want to because they are more important than everyone else. I am leaning more toward this one. It's also evidenced in the way people drive their cars. This also is not something that brings a smile to my face.

I'd like to think that we as a people aren't too far gone to begin to change some of these trends that I see. I would love to come back to a place where people were respectful of the public places we frequent, understand we aren't any more important than anyone else, and there are very few things in life that are worthy of such impatience and rushing.

So I don't know the answers to all the questions people have in life. Heaven knows I'm not anything spectacular or incredible. What I do know is, it never hurts to put your cart away.

This is why I ride.

 I step out into the chilly morning air but hardly notice it's there. I glance at the bike and do a final check before strapping on my helmet, securing my gloves, and pressing the starter switch. Immediately the low rumble of a V-twin engine echoes in the far off distance being drown by a random song playing in my earphones. I back up out of the driveway and pause before stepping down into gear. I look up at the gray skies above and think of the slight chill in the air. “How appropriate,” I think. “A day to fit with my mood.” Earlier in the morning I had taken time to look at different routes to different locations finally settling on one northwest from where I was. I pull my left fingers close and push down with my left foot. I feel, more than hear, the clunk as the bike drops into first, preparing for the journey. A slight twist of the right hand and a slow release and the clutch bites in and moves me and the bike forward.

The first part of the ride is nothing special. These are roads I've traveled on a lot in the last year I've been here. With hardly any notice to the surroundings and almost with no thought I wind my way through town, hang a left, make a right, another left. Before I know it I come to a turn that will take me onto new ground. As I lean to the right and the bike eases around the corner, I am welcomed by a new but familiar sight. Simple houses line the road, people out in the yard trying to conquer mother nature with their motorized tools. A few stop and look up as I go by. Again I find my thoughts drifting as I look at the gray skies above and ahead. “Sometimes in life you just have a bad day,” I tell myself. The usual joy and excitement that comes with riding is strangely absent and yet I don't mind. “What are you doing with yourself? Where are you at in life? Do you need to be doing better?” Thoughts come one after another with very little time to answer. To be honest, I wouldn't try to answer anyway. The music in my ears has faded to be nothing but background noise along with the hum of the engine, the rush of the wind, and the tires on the road giving way instead to the thoughts and conversations in my head.

“No, we're not doing this today,” I tell myself. “The questions will be there later. Accept that you're not happy right now and just ride.” So I do. I mentally place the thoughts and questions back on the shelf. I begin to look at the scenery passing me by. Trees rush by me with their arms outstretched toward the sky, seeking for that elusive fire in the sky that is hidden behind the gray mass of clouds. Every once in a while a freshly plowed barren field passes by, the red clay dirt stands out in stark contrast to the green foliage that surrounds it. I come by another cluster of houses and notice on the right side, they are all nice, large homes that are well kept with groomed yards. On the left, matchbox houses that have given a good fight against the elements but appear to be losing now; some already lost. Another fitting scene for the way I feel today.

About 30 minutes into the ride I notice something is different. The red clay fields have given way to green pastures. It's as though some unwritten decree stated that all fields at this point must be growing hay. This thought brings a small smirk to my face. “It seems to have changed with the county line,” I think. I wonder if there wasn't an agreement somewhere, sometime.

I near a turn where I'll be heading on a highway a little bit. Highways are okay, I guess. They all seem to be moving so fast and there really isn't anything to see. I definitely prefer the back roads and the old highways. It feels as though I'm traveling through history when I'm on those. Luckily, this stretch of road only lasts for about 10 minutes. I see my exit and am back on a small 2 lane road that is winding through the countryside.

I approach another sign indicating I'm moving into yet another county. This is definitely confirmed when the green pastures give way to fields of tall grasses slowly being mowed down by bovine inhabitants. This time I actually smile as I think, “So these guys must have agreed to do the cow detail.” I also notice that while the gray skies are all around me they are beginning to lose the battle for the sky with the sun which has climbed high above. Around me the world begins to take on a bright glow causing the green grasses and trees to appear even more richly colored. The wind rushing by my face is still chilly but I sense a level of warmth that wasn't there before. “I guess it may turn out to be a good day after all,” I think to myself.

By the time I arrive at my intended destination, the sun is shining bright, the gray has given way to white wisps of cotton floating high above in the grasp of some unseen wind. I've chosen to come to a museum that houses some old trains. Upon entering and seeing the giant iron monsters of yesteryear, I can't help but think I could have been happy in this time. I am amazed at the majesty of these huge machines as my 6'2'' frame seems dwarfed next to them. Echos from the past flood my head as I can hear the hiss of the steam blowing from relief valves and smell the rancid smoke filling the air as coal is burned to give life to the engines.

By the time I explore the engines and old rail cars, I feel my spirits lifted and renewed. This is just what I needed today. I continue to walk around and take in a few more relics from the past before heading back out on the road. This time as I approach my steel steed I find myself anxious to explore what I may have missed on the first half of my journey.

I pull into that driveway I've pulled into countless times before, the same one that was gray and dreary earlier in the day. It is bright, illuminated and warm. It's good to be back home. This is definitely what I needed today. Yes, this is why I ride.

FOMO and Hakuna Matata

 I often will listen to some podcasts that include young people and their take on the world.  I also have the chance to see this in my professional work as a therapist.  I'm talking about the seemingly increasing belief that what I do won't matter.  Whether people look at what happened in the past and try to say, "So what?  It's done and over.  I don't want to look at it ever again" or the other way of, "Do what you want right now because it doesn't matter in the long run."  What a dangerous place to be.  The Lion King has a scene, which if you have kids you have seen, where Simba is trying to live his Hakuna Matata life where he ignores the past and Rafiki teaching him a lesson that still holds true today as it did then and always has.  We don't forget the past or we are doomed to repeat it.  We aren't meant to dwell in the past either or we forgo the future and the present.  Instead we remember the past and hopefully learn from it so we can move forward in a more healthy and stable way.  On the reverse there are the FOMO crown that seem to believe that you do whatever you want and feels good in the moment and don't worry about the future.  Unfortunately, many of the things happening in our society today have long-lasting consequences that aren't avoidable.  Ignoring what may be the consequences in the future based on what we do today is dangerous and careless.  Just as we aren't meant to live in the past, we aren't meant to dwell in the future either.  We do need to be aware of the future and what it may hold in order to make a better decision of what to do today.  

The best way that I know to demonstrate this is using the analogy of driving.  The things you do from moment to moment in the car is like living in the present moment.  These are the things we need to do to keep us on the path we are hoping to stay on.  Most of the time these adjustments and actions are not huge and grandiose.  They tend to be simple and small actions that we continue to take in order to keep us going where we want to go.  This is like living in the present moment.  The things we do throughout our day is what will keep us on the path we hope to go on.  In a car, there is a large windshield where we spend a great amount of time looking out to pay attention to things such as possible items we need to be aware of, possible hazards, and to make sure we are on the path we want to be on going in the right direction.  We do want to spend quite a bit of time looking at this as it influences what we do in the present moment in order to continue.  We also have a rearview mirror that allows us to look behind us.  Again, this is used to see if there is anything behind us that we need to be aware of that might influence what we are doing in the present.  Just as most of us wouldn't and don't spend a long amount of time staring in the rearview mirror, we also don't want to spend a long amount of time staring into our own past.  Yes, we want to check in with our past now and then to see if there is anything back there that might influence the decisions we are making today as we look forward to the future.

I hope people can start to better understand the balance between the past, present and future in order to make good decisions today and help us make a better future for ourselves and our children while learning from the past.  

Where your head goes . . .

 

I ride a motorcycle.  It's one of the ways that I find peace in this hectic world.  In my attempts to be the best rider I can be I have done a lot of research about techniques and ways to make sure I'm riding the the most safe way possible.  I've watched videos of crashes, analysis of different techniques, and gathered the wisdom of those who know much more than I do about riding.  One of the most important things I think I've learned about riding is that your motorcycle will go where your head is pointed.  This can be seen really well in any of the multiple videos out there showing some of these incredible motorcycle cops riding through their obstacle courses.  (I really suggest you check at least one of them out.  It continues to blow my mind what they can do.)  If you pay attention to their heads they are constantly moving and are looking at where they want to go.  The idea is that your motorcycle will go where your head is looking.  I've also seen this when someone stares at a pothole in the middle of the road thinking to avoid it and they end up running straight into it.  This happens in other aspects of life as well.  Such as drifting in the car when we are looking out the side window.  

This is also what happens within us as well.  The focus we have on the inside of us is also where the rest of our life can kind of head.  If we are focused on the negatives within ourselves then that will influence where the rest of our focus goes as we interact in the world.  If we are able to see the more positive aspects of ourselves then we are more apt and able to see the positives in the world around is.  It sounds like such a simple thing and yet in my line of work I spend much of my time helping people to change their focus internally in order to help alleviate some of the external suffering.  

I don't know if it happens in school or exactly when it begins.  It does seem to happen. There does seem to be a time when for some reason we all decide that we aren't supposed to see how truly amazing we are and instead must only focus on what is wrong in order to either fix it (which often seems overwhelming and impossible) or learn to accept that we are just not good enough.  As our focus internally moves to this negatively biased view of ourselves we find it more and more difficult to find the beauty in the world around us.  Does that mean the world has no ugliness, hate, vitriol, and negativity in it?  Not at all.  All of those things do indeed exist.  All we have to do is turn to social media or the news to find that.  What about all the other goodness in the world?  Where do we turn to find that?  

My two lovely little daughters are wonderful examples of what happens before this shift begins to happen.  I can ask either one of them, "Are you beautiful?" to which the prompt reply is a simple, "Yes!"  I can then follow up with, "Why are you beautiful?" to which the equally prompt reply is, "Because I want to be."  How incredible simple!!!  They are focused on how amazing they are and because of that they really have an incredible ability to notice small and simple beauties and miracles that are around us every day.  Imagine if each of us could get to the point where inside we were able to honestly and truly say to ourselves, "I'm amazing because I want to be!"  No more comparing to others, no more wondering if I'm good enough, no more focusing on what we perceive to be so wrong.  Imagine if by seeing ourselves as being amazing it allowed us to turn our focus to what makes others amazing as well?  

I do believe we have that capability if we choose to.  Wherever our eyes go, my head will follow and wherever my head goes, the rest of me will follow.  We can choose today to start focusing more on what makes us amazing and learn to love ourselves as we are and with this new focus, truly begin to see what is right with the world today.  Maybe the, just maybe, some of the troubles of the world will begin to feel just a little less intrusive and unrelenting and we can once again, as Jesus Christ taught, love our neighbors as we love ourselves.

Trying so hard!

It's not unusual for me to have an individual or a couple come into my office and start talking about the struggles they are having in their relationship.  There are a number of reasons given from lack of communication to "falling out of love."  Sometimes they are looking for ways to fix the relationship and bring it back online.  Other times they are trying to figure out how to move on and find something even better next time.  You know, the grass is greener scenario.  As we continue to look at the struggles and what it is people want they start looking at the areas where they failed, their partner failed, life failed, or love failed.  There are so many ways that relationships can fall apart and not be what we hope they will be.  It does tend to make one wonder how any of us survive.

One thing I have noticed over the years that really causes a lot of issues within a relationship is the idea of trying to be what we think the other person wants us to be.  We try so hard to be everything to them, to give them what they want, to be who they want us to be.  Then for some reason we discover that we aren't very good at it and we end up feeling a little less than thrilled to be in a relationship with them because we just can't measure up to what they want.  What we fail to do is stop and think about what in the world attracted them to us in the first place?   

All too often in our efforts to become something or someone that we think they want us to be we start to lose track of who we really are.  The kicker is, if we have been honest with the, who we really are is what they are attracted to.  In our efforts to make sure they are happy and don't have any issues with us we actually tend to create issues and push them further away.  It's very counterproductive.

I worked with a couple one who were struggling with their marriage and contemplating divorce.  They came in getting help and wanting to make sure they were doing everything right.  They both wanted to improve themselves for the other person to make sure the relationship was great.  They found it to be a marriage full of strain and stress, resentments and anger.  Needs weren't being met, desires were falling away.  Finally after some time they came into my office and announced they had decided to go ahead with the divorce.  Then came the shocking news.

"Jason, since we made the decision to get divorced, we have been getting along really well, talking with each other, actually spending time together and enjoying it.  Does this mean we should stay married and work on it some more?"  I could understand their excitement and desire to get back to the blissful relationship they were experiencing once again.  I could tell I kind of caught them off guard when I said, "Well wait.  Let's not rush back into anything just yet."  After the quizzical looks I went on to explain.  "You're having a great time right now because with the decision to divorce, neither of you is trying to be what you think the other wants to you to be.  You are finally able to just be you.  That's who you both were attracted to in the first place."  I truly believe had they gotten back together in that moment they would have gone right back to trying to be everything for each other and the marriage would have continued on as before.  

It wasn't until they were able to get back to being who they really were that they were able to find peace with each other.  Since that time they have been able to co-parent very well and are able to do well.  What the future holds for them I'm not sure.  They may both move on or they may end up back together.  Whatever the case, it's good to see them being themselves again.

Have you ever really thought about someone that you really admire?  Have you wondered what it is about them?  I can almost say with confidence they are someone who is true to themselves at all times and in all places.  You see, being true to yourself and understanding that who you are and being happy with who you are is the path to peace, joy and happiness in life.  People who are able to be of service to others and find joy with this are generally those who are at peace with themselves internally.  It's this internal peace that seems to allow them to go through all sorts of different experiences and still be a happy and joyous person.

I called my business "Inner Peace Wellness Center" because I truly believe that if people could find that inner core self, learn about them, love them, and then be true to that core they would find a peace in their lives that can't be had any other way.  I also believe that when this occurs and you get into a relationship it's much easier to just be who you are and not fall into the trap of being who or what you think someone else wants you to be.  This is what makes relationships so great and able to withstand the trials of life.  Learn who you are and love yourself and this will open the door for others to love you and for you to truly love them as well.

Learning to see again.

I was reading about whether or not miracles continue to happen in the world we live in today.  It seems to me that many people have the idea that most miracles are dead and that only once in a rare while will a "big" miracle happen.  Along with the idea that miracles are dead comes a loss of the sense of wonder

that many of us remember from our childhood.  So the question remains, are miracles gone? Often in our lives we will have events happen so often that they seem to be so commonplace to us and we start to take them for granted.  Every day events seem so mundane and boring that we simply forget to even think about them much any longer.   Because of the lack of excitement that we have come to equate to entertainment we gloss over the daily miracles that surround us every day.  And this is part of why we struggle to find joy and happiness in our lives.

I have been blessed to have a couple of young daughters, one is almost 3 and the other is almost 1.  I have come to recognize through their eyes the loss we have experienced in seeing the wonders that truly do surround us.  I watch as my 3 year old explores her world and am surprised at the exclamations of wonder as she sees the moon in the sky, a butterfly fluttering by, or even a bug crawling across the ground.  I watch as my 1 year old explores different foods and drinks and the excited expressions she gives as she finds new toys, hears new noises, and even gets to see her dad after a long day of work.  I often find myself giving pause and wondering what it would be like for me, as an adult, to have that same kind of wonder with the world I live in.

I imagine if we took some time to look around us at the world we live in and started giving some recognition to the many miracles that occur each day, we might start finding more joy and happiness in the world we have.  I encourage people to take some time and really think about the miracle of having clean water to drink at the push of a button.  What a miracle it is that our bodies even function as well as they do, most of the time.  Can you stop and recognize the miracles that happen each and every time we take a breath into our lungs and how we continue to sustain our lives through the transfer of oxygen and carbon dioxide?  When was the last time you stopped and looked at the various colors of a sunset and realized just what has to happen to make those colors appear?  Or even stopping to think about the miracle that life itself truly is?  

Sometimes I think of the song "Amazing Grace" where it talks about being blind.  I fear far too many of us are walking around with our eyes blinded by the complacency of life happening around us.  We take so much for granted that we seem to have missed that miracles still happen each day we are alive.  In the famous words of Louis Armstrong, "What a wonderful world" it would be if each day we could take at least a brief moment and recognize one of the many miracles that surround us.  Truly then we could say, "I once was blind, but now I see."